Friday, October 25
My Personal Narrative
I feel like I am my family’s historian and that’s a self-appointed role. I also feel like my story is hard for me to believe so my art and my story are showing me evidence so I can prove to myself that I am really here. I’ve come to realize that I have this false narrative brewing in me that if I can’t remember my upbringing then how can I exist? How is it real without knowing or feeling memories? I always feel like there is a missing piece. I have a brother that is missing, he disappeared on purpose. He is my older brother who endured 17 head operations while we were running from the law living with 2 identities. I have not seen him since 2005. My practice is a memory game and along the way I find curiosities. I find relationships in design. I have fun playing with my materials. It becomes both poetic and narrative.
Drawing—What it Means to Me to Draw
Drawing for me has always been a way for me to communicate with my internal subconscious selves, however, I don’t think it officially became this until 1994/5. Despite the time that has passed, I didn’t even realize this process until recently (last weekend). Communication has always been vaguely wrapped up in the use of my materials and how I make them work together, it’s only very recently that I can communicate the how’s and whys of this. It’s been a pretty abstract process thus far. I like using drawings to tell stories and to communicate ideas. I think drawing is one of our most important tools. I am just really appreciative of this skill I have developed.
I have an internal connection with materials. Materials really lead my process. I like connecting materials and creating new relationships with them, and balancing the weight of things, materially. speaking.
Identity, Place and Space
I feel like my identity is wrapped up in my upbringing. How we moved and had to make quick decisions on a medical level with my brother Ralph’s head condition, as well as know what our fake identity stories were. My dad had us on welfare under one name and he found jobs under the table with his other name. This was during the 60’s and 70’s so it was all paper back then, and it was easy for my dad to come up with ways to beat the system. I grew up with that vocabulary and even though I feel it innate in me, I can’t really talk about it too much. It’s like how I know Spanish—I grew up with it—I didn’t learn it directly.
Place for me is a very nomadic idea. Place is a restless idea. Over the years Place has a new language, learning permanence and what it’s like to sustain in one Place.
Space for me has everything to do with my relationship with objects. I feel like over time, my installation work and my educational art work has really informed the way I feel about space. When it comes to drawing on paper, I treat my line and my paper as 2 objects working in synergy. I come in with both my personal story and my curiosities surrounding relationships and explore how things are built and how systems work in space.