Love That Doesn’t Disappear: A Night of Grief and Legacy
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There's this assumption that healing happens in isolation, that we need to figure out our pain alone before we can rejoin society, but sometimes the opposite is true. Sometimes we heal by witnessing each other's struggles, by discovering that our individual heartbreak is part of a much larger story. Through connection and storytelling, we realize that healing and growth does not come from suffering in silence but from sharing our struggles with people who understand.
Yet this realization often eludes us. We've been conditioned to see grief as a private hurdle to overcome alone rather than recognizing it as one of the most universal human experiences. This is why spaces like vigils matter so much. They create room for people grieving all kinds of losses to discover they're not as alone as they thought, that their pain is witnessed and understood by others who carry their own losses.
The candlelight vigil with Chiquis was a special event. It offered a safe space for everyone, speakers and attendees alike to share their pain and struggles, while also celebrating the small wins toward healing. She was raw and honest, sharing how she was "already a little emotional” which allowed the participants to feel at ease and connected with their own struggles openly.
The Power of Shared Grief
We live in a world that's not particularly comfortable with grief. It makes people squirm. They want to fix it, rush it, or change the subject entirely. This vigil left all that behind with Chiquis bringing her whole authentic self. The self that is overwhelmed and sad but grateful. She showed up as a daughter still figuring out how to carry her mother's legacy. She spoke of her mother, the legendary Jenni Rivera, who was a woman who felt deeply. Chiquis shared that she had recently felt a new connection to her mother and her family, a connection that stemmed from grieving a long-standing separation.
Chiquis’s openness about grieving her extended family despite their estrangement illustrates Jamie Anderson’s words: “Grief is just love with no place to go.” Her reflection reminds us that grief is not limited to death; it can also arise from unspoken love. In naming this, she shed light on the reality of disenfranchised grief, the kind that often goes unseen or unacknowledged, yet lives quietly in so many of us.
The conversation went deeper with Dr. Manuel X. Zamarripa and Tlazoltiani Jessica Zamarripa, who brought a beautiful cultural perspective guided by ancestral wisdom. They reflected that grief is not something to be cured but something to be carried. They spoke of the ofrenda, they built as a centerpiece of the gathering, a physical representation of honoring ancestors and descendants. This ancient practice was a reminder that people are part of a larger story. This was a powerful counterpoint to a world that often treats grief as a solitary journey.
Legacy as a Living Thing
The duality of legacy was touched upon, the novelty and burden of carrying it forward. For Chiquis it was important to not just preserve her mother’s legacy but to carry it forward in different creative ways. One of the ways she carried her mother’s spirit forward has been through storytelling. She shared that the main character, Janae, in her children's book, The Girl Who Sings to Bees, mirrors her own journey, particularly in how her songs were "stuck" due to anger she felt towards her mother. She overcame this anger and, through music, reconnected with her mother, now feeling that her mother "sings through" her.
In the same vein, The Zamarripas spoke of legacy through the lens of ancestral wisdom and cultural practice. They reflected that legacy isn't something to be preserved but something that lives on through the people who remember them. It is a powerful reminder that you don't "get over" grief; you learn to carry it with you as a sign of the love that has no place to go.
Finding Life After Loss
The fact that Dr. Manuel Zamarripa, who lost his father unexpectedly at age 12 without knowing the reason, is now a happy father himself, serves as a powerful testament to the possibility of post-traumatic growth. His experience and journey reminds us that it's possible to envision hope and healing when you are grieving any kind of loss.
At the vigil, themes of resilience and post-traumatic growth surfaced beautifully through the symbol of bees. Chiquis reflected on how, despite their tiny wings and heavy bodies, bees still manage to fly, something science once said they shouldn’t be able to do. For her, this quiet defiance reflected her own journey of survival, as she admitted there were times she felt she wasn’t “supposed to make it” because of her struggles.
The emotional showcase of the event was the music of Chris Dingman. He invited everyone to close their eyes and let the music take them "wherever you need to go." Chris’ music was reflective of the realization that it was okay to simply sit with your feelings, to be with the love that needed somewhere to go.
The Gift of Being Seen
There was no pressure to perform grief "correctly." The vigil was a safe space where you could bring your whole, messy grieving self. It offered a powerful lesson: that a person's life and spirit live on not just in memory, but in the community they leave behind. It was a space where people weren't just talking about grief; they were actively sitting with it, together.
About the speakers
Chiquis
Chiquis is a three-time Latin GRAMMY award-winning artist, businesswoman, author, and media personality. She launched her solo career in 2013, honoring a promise to her late mother, the legendary Jenni Rivera. Beyond music, she connects with millions through her podcast Chiquis and Chill, bestselling memoirs Forgiveness and Unstoppable, and her philanthropic foundation, BossBee Nation, which supports youth through scholarships, mental health advocacy, and programs addressing domestic violence and education.
Dr. Manuel X. Zamarripa
Dr. Manuel X. Zamarripa is co-founder and co-director of the Institute of Chicana/o/x Psychology. A nationally recognized speaker, educator, and advocate, he works to destigmatize and decolonize mental health in Chicanx/Latinx and BIPOC communities by uplifting cultural strengths. His contributions have been honored with multiple awards, including an APA Presidential Citation, and his expertise has been featured in outlets like NPR and the L.A. Times.
Tlazoltiani Jessica Zamarripa
Tlazoltiani Jessica Zamarripa is co-founder and co-director of the Institute of Chicana/o/x Psychology & Community Wellness. A cultural educator, mental health advocate, and keeper of ancestral wisdom, she facilitates workshops, restorative circles, and community spaces for Latinx and BIPOC families. A longtime organizer, Danzante de La Luna, and Temazcalera, she works at the intersection of cultural revitalization, spirituality, and social justice, with a focus on youth and family wellbeing.
Chris Dingman
Chris Dingman is a vibraphonist celebrated for his deeply moving solo music, described as “hypnotizing” by the New York Times and “absolutely beautiful” by Jazz at Lincoln Center. After recording the 5-hour album Peace for his father in his final months of life, Chris began sharing his music as a pathway for healing. He has since presented widely, from the Rubin Museum of Art to Reimagine’s Transformations series, and has been recognized with fellowships from Chamber Music America, New Music USA, and others.
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