The Grief is Never Gone

The Grief is never gone

Grief cannot be minimized

But it can be forgotten

Under the floorboards

Of the heart

Or flow with the sails in the wind

Yet you still take my hand

I see your face

In a distant place

Where you ran away

But your shadow remains

I put it in a tiny box

Grief in a box

With a forget-me-not

There is still a lot unsaid

I wrap a bow around it

I could punt it or hunt for the gold

For the lesson I am meant to know

Like Pandora’s box but escapes like a fox

Sunk to the ocean floor like a rock

I will dive into the grief

The soul undefeated is beneath

I touch the reef where you could be

I will hang our love like a wreath for all to see

The only way to carry the box is on my back

Like a cross; like moss on a tree; like rocks thrown at me

Its sacrifice covered up nice with a shield of righteousness through strife

There’s a void in the box that cannot be filled

I reach below; the bottomless hole

The abyss is never amiss

Yet I miss you so

The missing piece makes you complete

Now the box looks like just another rock

Or a grain of sand

Is all that I am

The waves try to conquer the land

As if to reprimand for being still

Here I find the will

To live again

Suddenly…

A song springs from the box

A music box? I wonder

I hear your voice one last time

“I was with you when you were born

I will be with you when I die

For love is eternal; endless; and everywhere

We were meant to meet

As the stars met the sky

Le sigh...

We’re here to love

And lose

Be soothed by the blues

And paint the sky

Any color we choose.”

So I choose to see the unseen

I have no eyes, just pictures of

A world that is beautiful

A world no one else sees

A subtle whisper

Of skies so bright, roads brilliant as if life is just buying time

And the green of leaves glow a golden light

That haunts me as I fall to sleep tonight

I see people, far off places, and no death to fear

Within love, I lie, my dear

It’s a fragility I could have never known

Had you not been the one to call me home

Come home.

Leaving dust on the doorknob

Of where you tried to reach

I see who I am meant to be

I feel it in the sun, the sound of laughter

The openness of your smiling

Left only in dreams

An ode to a shadow

Through the gray light of morning

To its final fade

No further experience

Can erase from what

Has changed

My grief consumed me

Moved me

Motivated me

Soothed me

I hold onto your soul like an ancient relic

Nothing on earth could make me sell it

No fire could melt it

A heart charred as its own charge

It’s my Pandora’s paradox of pain

That the cost of love is one day to part

You’ll always exist in my heart

I’ll feel you like the rain

But feeling is something we cannot tame

And the feeling is something we cannot always name

The only thing I know is it will never be the same

Seeing you I will always crave

Like ice cream or chocolate for a self-care day

Knowing it will never truly go away…

There is Chaos Theory

Full of inconsistencies and yet a constant

That something should always stand firm and right

That will lead you to take flight

The butterfly effect is that you never lost your wings

Your existence affects everything

Even the unseen

Random or real

Serendipity or just following senses

Signs or just a heart that pines

For a reason why

Your value is your power

Your happiness is your hope

Your character creates an ability to cope

Am I over you? I say “Nope.”

But I let you go

And feel you in the wind

Knowing that this love will start again

Each day I wake

Like an inner quake

I shake to remain in your shadow

Wear it as my attire

That never goes out of style

Being in the now vs the past with you

I’d rather be unglued and feel what I used to

Knowing that the safety of your presence

Is still present

But the grief is never gone

It is never wrong

Where we both belong

I remain in its song

Even after that is gone

About

Sarah Jeanne Browne is a wisdom collector who assisted Tiny Buddha with such projects and then formed her own philosophy; writer for Forbes and other popular self-help sites (and now deconstructs self-help as the industry can be misleading); speaker for organizations such as The Peal Center, Pennsylvania Youth Leadership Network, The Woodlands Foundation, Reimagine, various podcasts and more; activist for human and animal rights; innovator and problem solver such as creating a way to connect with kids for EndCAN - LOVES: Listen, Open Up, Validate, Explain, and Solve Together; brand and social media consultant; and lived experience speaker and writer with bipolar, dyscalculia, and AuDHD.

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