The Value of A Necessary Conversation

My name is Dee Dee, and A Necessary Conversation, is an endeavor to offer an alternative approach to those yearning to experience End of Life matters, in a spiritually-rooted state of being. The relationships we cultivate between living, dying, death and bereavement will deeply influence our reactions and responses to life and death situations. As a child, I was always curious about death and dying.... but I quickly learned that these subjects’ matters are rarely discussed in our society. So, I did what most of us do: I avoided any kind of self-awareness around these topics for many, many years. Like many people, I have encountered different circumstances of death (children, young adults, accidents, sickness and murder). The more death I experienced, the more uncomfortable I became with how I was processing End of Life situations. Never once did it occur to me, that I could change how I spiritually responded to death, dying and grief. Then, the ultimate tipping point happened. I received an unexpected call: My Dad had suddenly died. I was rapidly engulfed with so many different feelings and emotions! I could not control the psychological roller coaster that was now my reality. I remember the feelings of: • Confusion • Denial. • Panic. • Fear. • Nausea. • Profound loss and heartache. • Isolation. I remember thinking: • I can't believe my Dad is no longer on this earth. • I’m now officially an orphan. • What a stupid thing to think! I am an adult, and I don’t need my dad! • My Dad had to die alone. • My Dad was in a cold morgue and alone in a funeral home. • Strangers were taking care of my Dad and his body. • I was betraying my Dad, by not being with him during this time. And then the grief came! I experienced: • Overwhelming sadness. • Difficulty sharing my feelings. • Self-imposed isolation. • Pretending I was fine, even though I was devastated. • Confusion as to why I could not “move past” this death. • Feeling as if I was losing part of myself in this whole death process. A short time after my Dad's death, my sisters and I were surprised, and unsettled, to be given the responsibility of orchestrating our Dad's "funeral and reception." We felt inadequate to make such significant decisions on his behalf, and we had no idea where to turn to for guidance. Fortunately for us, a heartfelt deed quickly transpired: Our Mom offered to help us "celebrate" our Dad! What is amazing about this overture, is that our parents had been divorced for over 18 years, and both of them had created new lives for themselves. Nevertheless, our Mom: • Generously allowed us the space to grieve. • Supported us in the planning of our "Dad's Life Celebration.” • Inspired us to focus on our Dad's genuine qualities when making decisions. • Encouraged us to be true to ourselves, all while honoring our Dad's memory. • Collaborated with us to help create a loving, and an amazingly beautiful, "Life Celebration." • Exhibited that when one puts love in front of everything else, life and humanity can be harmonious. • Graciously encouraged us to be spiritually present and to feel all of our emotions, but to also enjoy "One of the best days of our lives!" A few seasons after my Dad's heartwarming Life Celebration, I was finally ready to start exploring my own deep-rooted feelings around End-of-Life situations. I earnestly wanted to start building emotionally healthier bridges between living, dying, death and grief. I knew that I needed a wide range of spiritual tools to experience both the pain, and the joy, that comes with life and death. Understanding this, I have been inspired and motivated to seek, and attain, varied education, training and professional certification as a Facilitator and Death Doula in End-of-Life Care. I live in the Los Angeles area with my husband of 31 years. I have two children that I deeply love. I am also "Mom" to two dogs. I am in profound gratitude that I've been in recovery for over 22 years. Throughout these years, I have been given the opportunity to help countless women by guiding each of them through the physical, and the emotional changes necessary, to lead healthy and fulfilling lives.